


Gentle

by aintgonnaleaveyoumikey



Category: Grand Theft Auto IV, Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and Damned, Grand Theft Auto Series (Video Games), Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Drug Use, Dubious Consent, F/M, Internalized Misogyny, Mention of abuse, mention of rape, mentions of character deaths, meth, please mind the tags, spoilers for TLAD and IV, the name of the fic does not match the content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintgonnaleaveyoumikey/pseuds/aintgonnaleaveyoumikey
Summary: Ray had always been gentle with her.… maybe notalways. But in bed? Always. And when she begged him to help her stop smoking?Always. Always when she needed it the most.
Relationships: Ashley Butler/Johnny Klebitz, Ashley Butler/Ray Boccino, Ashley Butler/Trevor Philips
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9





	Gentle

Ray had always been gentle with her.

… maybe not _always_. But in bed? Always. And when she begged him to help her stop smoking? _Always_. Always when she needed it the most. 

And of course, she _knew_ that Johnny cared in his own way. But he never made her feel quite as validated as Ray had. It was true that they both yelled at her and called her stupid — and worse — but when Ray had slept with her, it was almost like she wasn’t just a gang whore, passed around whenever, or a meth addict.

She had been just Ashley.

Even when she thought she hadn't deserved Ray’s kindness and tenderness — which had been often because no one had ever treated her like she deserved anything good, and if she was honest, _she_ didn’t treat other people like that either, so maybe she just always got what she deserved when she was hit or taken against her will — with Ray she had felt like someone _cared_. It had felt like someone truly wanted to take care of her for the first time in her sorry life. 

When Trevor Philips was gripping her breasts painfully tight, pressing her face against the dirty couch, and thrusting into her barely wet pussy, she couldn’t help but remember Ray.

Maybe she should have been thinking about Johnny, and that she loved him, and that she would stop fucking Trevor for crystal, and that she would start being faithful to him again, and that she would get her life together. Or any of those things. But she was stuck in the past. 

Ray hadn't been a good man by far, but that didn't matter because never in her life had she known _a good man_. She didn’t quite believe those existed, but at least he had been good to _her_. And she was selfish so she cherished those moments with him, shutting her eyes to the fact that Johnny's friend was dead because of her involvement with Ray. 

Without a warning, Trevor finished inside her with a grunt; he forced her to return to the present moment by squeezing her breasts brutally one last time before pulling out. He got up quickly, leaving her with no words. She collapsed on the couch, worn out, his cum leaking out of her, too numb to feel disgusted or sorry for herself.

And yet, the tiny part of her fucked up brain that was still managing to think like that regretted ever coming here and running into Trevor Philips.

_Maybe things could have been different._

But the regret was short-lived as Trevor came back to her with the pipe. At least she didn't have to beg this time, and she was grateful for that, tried to even smile at the monster that practically owned her now. 

The smoke hit her lungs, and she realized that there was no point living in the past.

Ray was long dead.

Johnny still didn’t love her, not really, not in the way she thought she loved him, _wanted_ to love her knight in shining armor. 

What she had now was Trevor Philips, his meth, and his ruthless hands on her body as she let the drugs destroy the last of her brain cells, the ones capable of regret. 

A woman like her didn’t deserve _gentle_ , anyway. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. 
> 
> If you made it through, go read my thoughts about this fic from [my Tumblr](https://nevergonnasimpyoumikey.tumblr.com/post/635396583658242048/gentle-aintgonnaleaveyoumikey-gta-v-iv-tlad). 
> 
> Thank you so much to trepidatingboarfetus for beta reading this!


End file.
